It’s a funny feeling. It feels like you have a smudge on your face, and everyone is looking at you and talking about it. It doesn’t matter how hard you try and scrub it off, everyone can still see it. It is not like a birthmark or a scar. It is something dirty and unspeakable–something others seem embarrassed about. It is something you feel makes you a lesser man. You simply feel…soiled.
When people with PTSD or BPD become so emotionally overcharged everything losses perspective, the sufferer feels diminished and failing in their attempts to communicate and the volumes of conversations get raised. Most friends or spouses interpret this as screaming, yelling and even abuse…in the majority of cases, it is really not…these people, locked in side their heads are just trying to be ‘seen’. They feel like they are drowning but they are in a foreign land, they are screaming for help and no one sees or understands them so they increase the volume in proportion to the pain and frustration.
I’m not making excuses, just giving insight.
When I forget that I’m not
I realize that I am
The thought and hope of walking together in life with someone who cares enough about where I am going that they are able to help me with where I have been, is one of the major motivating forces in positioning myself to live a full and satisfied life.