“happy ever after”
but they all lead to a new
“Once upon a time”
This to me is a simple thought, a wonderful thought.
From this point in my life I can’t look at my future and see a ‘happy ever after’, I just can’t see it.
However I do believe that if I keep walking, breathing, forgiving, seeking, and loving, that there will come a time, when my children will talk with fondness of the man who overcame great and seemingly insurmountable obstacles to give them a life he never had.
That to me is an ending that I could live and die with.
Peace and Grace
You might be ‘calloused and torn,’ yet you can still retain ‘the softest touch’.
I think this is important for everyone in recovery to know, men in particular.
Men allow their hearts and attitudes to be hardened and callous, especially if their abuser was a woman. I just refuse to live that way. The women who abused me where a small part of the population, not a full representation of it. I have two wonderful daughters and a magnificent young man of a son. I have done my best to ensure my daughters walk the earth with grace and dignity, my son with strength and honor.
There is simply no room for bitterness and victimhood, it is not the way of fulfillment and purpose.
Another underlying theme is the healing power of belief and acceptance. The fisherman’s woman loved him and accepted him. Loved him for who he was and what he did, accepted him and the limitations his life had placed on him. In return for giving him grace to be who he was, she became his everything.
“Tomorrow, you will live in the house that you build with your Today.”
There is not one thing that has power over you. You have power over everything.
When I speak on the topic of recovery, often people with responded with, “Thats not true, I didn’t choose to be abused, I didn’t choose to face this crisis!”
No you didn’t.
But let me ask you this question, what have you done with what has happened to you?
Have you allowed your past to refine you or define you?
Everything left unattended or uncared-for will eventually perish. Only that for which you care and cultivate will grow and flourish. Are you cultivating victimhood and brokenness, or are you growing recovery and wellness?
Tomorrow you will live in the house you are building today.
So..please be gentle with yourself and others.
“On difficult days
when the storm is ragging within me
for the sounds of sunshine”
Most mornings are like this for me.
I wake struggling to breathe.
Trying to catch a breath.
Needing to stop the world spinning and emotions swirling.
I used to fight those feelings. I used to have programs, systems, drugs in place to combat them and help me level out.
Now I have found that the most effective thing to do is anticipate the emotions, the blackness, the rage and sit. Quietly. And wait. And listen. Within about 45 mins of rising, calm rolls in, like waves.
This has become known to me as “..the sound of sunshine.”
And all of us need to be careful with the types of friends we allow to speak into our lives.
I understand this is my journey. I understand this is my battle. I am taking, and always shall take, full responsibility for my actions and words—the kind ones and the unkind ones.
I don’t need people to sympathize with me or even empathize with me.
I need people to walk with me. If I get lost, point me home. If I fall, help me not fall so hard. If it is too much, just let me me lean a while…but always, always remind me that there is a tomorrow and a new day will dawn.